'I Am Fine'

Ever wonder where the expression ‘I’m fine’ came from when asked the question ‘How are you?’ According to AI [which is always right!], I’m fine ‘represents a social construct.’ It is ‘a way to maintain privacy, avoid disclosing negative feelings, or end the interaction quickly.’

O.K. sounds good, and yet, it begs the question: If we are wanting/needing to connect with someone about a challenge we are facing, why do we still respond with ‘I’m fine?’ And, why do we feel disconnected, if we choose the path of connection which is less traveled? Years ago, there was a piece of jewelry called a ‘mood ring.’ Purportedly, this ring would share, by virtue of color change, exactly how you felt, leaving the mystery of ‘I’m fine’ to become fully exposed. I wonder if that might be the antidote to the ‘social construct’ ‘How are you?’ becomes ‘Oh I see you are feeling a little sad today, want to talk about ti?’ Or ‘I can see you are feeling a bit anxious. Is it about that big exam?’

But, what if we don’t really need the mood ring. What if we just need to slow down? Use our own senses to see – truly see – the person to whom we are speaking? Look at them, should we ask. Be attentive to the reply. And, be willing to step out on the ledge and reply honestly when we are asked ‘And how are you?’ in return.

There is a construct of ‘Goal versus Expectation.’ If the goal is to connect, then the expectation from the other person cannot be ‘I’m fine.’ The expectation needs to be ‘I am here to ask you how you are, and I am willing – and ready – to hear.’

So, next time we ask someone, ‘How are you,? Maybe we take a moment and pause – to be fully present – and listen to the response.

 © 2025: Donna J Clarke/Integrative Pathways Counseling, LLC. All rights reserved.